Andai aku terlupa.

Sahabatku,

andai suatu hari nanti aku terlupa apa itu cinta,
bacakan kembali kepadaku puisi puisi lamaku,
nyanyikan kembali lagu lagu cinta yang dahulu pernah membuatku berangan,
ungkitkan kembali momen momen indah tentang aku dilamun cinta,
tunjukkan kembali rupa si dia yang ku pernah sanjung,
agar aku juga tahu,
agar aku juga ingat,
apa itu cinta.

ingatkan kan aku kembali,
aku juga pernah berjumpa,
dengan si dia yang ku panggil cinta.

Sahabatku,
ingatkan aku,
andai aku terlupa nanti.

Never say goodbye.

'The strongest act of love is letting go'

Always choose love, darling. Always.

To you, capital A.

I hope one day maybe 10 years later, 20 years later, or maybe 30 years later. When i read this post, i will always remember on how much i love you. How sincere my love towards you. Siapa sangka bossku after 9 years, i still writing about you in my blog. Hahaha. Betul la takdir tu milik Allah.

Here we go, back to 2015 when i decided to move on from capital I, i threw away everything yang ex guer kasi dulu dulu. Sampai la i terjumpa flyers you from 2011. The only thing, the only flyers that i received from you. The only memory that i had from you. I looked at the flyers, oh God i didnt want to throw this one so i keep it. Sampai lah time MSK (orientasi unimap) we suddenly met again. I quite shocked but buat tak tahu camtu la kan. Then, we met again during FestKon 2015. You tegur i dulu and we talked for a while. That time, i saw that you've changed. You never tegur i zaman sekolah dulu but this time, you yang tegur tittew dulu. Like i perasan benda tu. Ofc i am. Everything happened i thought just a coincidence and i didnt see that my old feelings are coming back.

So here in 2016 when everything started, we met again at Aura Steamboat. You know what, sebenarnya my friends and I duk bincang nak keluar hari lain. And sebenarnya time tu, hari tu, nak keluar lepas maghrib tapi takdir Tuhan time tu hujan lebat so we delayed. Dalam kereta otw pi steamboat tu, we talked about you. And THATS WHY TIME YOU SAMPAI AND YOU SAT BESIDE US WE WERE TOTALLY SPEECHLESS. You once again tegur la kami kami kan tapi that time, i thought they were something wrong. I mean too much coincidence???? Time tu lah hati ni terdetik and started confused. Hahaha.  But you suddenly blocked amy and i on ig. Tapi time tu dah agak dah, bukan awok yang blocked. so its okay.

Then, i heard that your makwe masuk unimap jugak. So oh okay. Takde lah cam confused sangat kan i mean you love her and she loves you. Okay lah. Sampailah tahun 2017, i guess i missed you so much. Masa cuti sem i cried so hard because i missed you. Like cuba bayangkan rindukan ex??? from 7-8 years ago lepas tu rindu kan pakwe orang????? what should i do??? then, i prayed very hard. I asked Allah please buang perasaan ni. I know this is wrong. lepas tu tak tahu la i mean Allah listened to my prayer, then i help you jual brownies even time you datlang kejap pun takpelah. i mean i ikhlas. sebab sayang ni bukan kena sayang kat pakwe je. bukan kena berbalas. but i looked at your eyes and i knew you really loved her. so okay. i really wish korang kekal.

here in 2018. someone told me that you broke up with her. my inner self really want to ask you, are you okay? are you crying? but like usual lah i sent amy tanya khabar awok. :>>> (thanks amy and also intan) then i whatsapp you bajet bajet nak move on nak lost contact then you blocked me on whatsapp :'((((. Okay tapi takpelah you need some time. so sampailah sehari before my birthday, rasa sedih sangat sebab entah ler. tahun last kat unimap (last belajar) so i decided to stay silent during my birthday. But i tweeted that the only surprise that i want from my birthday is you. TAPI OFC LA PELUANG TU 0.000000000001% JE LIKE HELLO TAKKAN TETIBA NK WISH BIRTHDAY I.

memang sampai nak habis birthday tu semua orang yang tak rapat dengan i tak tau pun tu birthday i lol. then, tengah ws dgn amy tu ada voice note awok. masa first dengar tu, i told myself. oh haida tolong jangan mengharap. tu bukan awok. lepas tu amy marah sebab tak cam suara awok. HELLO MEMANG SUARA 9 TAHUN LEPAS DGN SEKARANG TU SAMA!!! and i cried again. I mean like baiknya Allah listened to my prayer again. that 0.000000001% Allah granted my wish :'((

then, i confused again. hm. lepas tu amy story that you suddenly asked what i responded bila lepas awok wish birthday. MESTILAH BERBUNGAAAAAAA BOSSKUUUUU. i thought you tak terfikir pun pasal tu sebab yoler cam kena paksa je hahahahahahahaah. 

confused. confused and confused.

so i decided to istikharah again.

this year, 2019 last night maybe the answer to my istikharah.

thanks for jujur.

thanks for jadi matang kehkehkeh.

you, deserve the best. not someone better than me.

but the best. for being a new you.

i didnt hate you. i never hate you since we broke up.

sorry.

sorry for loving you again.

thanks for everything. 

ingatlah haida, always choose love.

love didnt betray you sayang. xoxo.